If someone were to go through the average fat guy’s closet they would probably find, four or five football jerseys, a couple of pairs of sweatpants, white undershirts, sixteen hoodies, extra-large t-shirts from Foot Locker and a little league jersey that reminds them of that time they played sports. I’m not saying you wouldn't find clothes like this in another guy’s wardrobe. I’m only saying a typical fat man is more likely to own five Patriot’s jerseys — and not because they’re a bargain down at Marshall’s.
When a fat guy buys clothes he’s following two simple rules: Layers and dark colors. These two strategies strive to meet one goal: Turn the fat, misshapen body into a walking optical illusion. Those white undershirts are key. They’re like cotton Spanx that come in 20-packs. Just tuck them into a pair of pants so that the love handles and the man-boobs get flattened, then throw a baggy hoodie over everything. Now our fat-guy-on-the-go has a torso that takes up three quarters of his body, and he appears to have lost 20 pounds. Not bad for someone who cleans his clothes with Febreeze and whose love handles spill out over his waistband.
The downside to this look is that it’s “shlubby,” which is a fair term because most of us are shlubs. Nothing stands out about the fat guy uniform — there’s nothing eye-catching about sweatshirts that are the same color as the snow on old TV sets. And really, that’s the whole point. The fat guy look is designed for those who don’t want to be seen, for people who want to become visual white noise.
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